Yesterday was Monday, and I felt like I was fairly disciplined over the weekend (I did yoga, I studied for my History and Philosophy test on Wednesday, I graded my students' labs & tests, I even went to church!), but I stepped on the scale and started the day "up" a pound. (Another pound, I should add, because I've just added on pound by pound, and at this point, my clothes are starting to not fit. Not cool. THAT is a problem because I like my clothes, and I can't afford to buy new ones!). I could have avoided my bad mood by not stepping on the scale, I suppose, but that would have been dishonest. I "accepted" my number, stepped off the scale, and pledged to be more mindful with regards to diet and exercise.
I showed up to school, and not one student in my 1st period class had done their reading assignment over the weekend. This was frustrating, because I had spent a good deal of time over the weekend grading their tests and labs, and they couldn't be bothered to read an article on Human Growth Hormones. I could have avoided my bad mood by not assigning weekend homework, I suppose. I "accepted" their inability to discuss the article, and re-assigned it for the next day.
I returned home from work to a delicious smell - my husband had cooked a huge pot of gumbo for dinner. Immediately my mind focused on my diet, knowing that gumbo has sausage which isn't very healthy, and I worried about the scale again. I "accepted" that dinner was made, and ran out to run an errand.
Later, I came home just in time for dinner to be served, and instead of finding serenity in the fact that I didn't need to worry one single bit about shopping for ingredients, I didn't need to cook the meal, I didn't even need to clean up the prep for the meal, I focused on what wasn't done - things like the kids' backpacks being "unpacked", the homework papers still scattered on the table, legos that were all over the floor.
I wasn't content, even though I had so much to feel positive about, so much to be grateful and thankful for. I'm ashamed of myself, especially since this is a week where I am supposed to be seeking contentment, observing Santosha. I owed my husband a HUGE apology this morning - whether or not he "accepted" it is another matter; I wouldn't blame him if he didn't! I owe myself a "re-do", and I need to re-evaluate my ability to find "contentment".
Good thing tomorrow is another day!
Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.”
― Lao Tzu
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