Today, we sit on eggshells, awaiting the results of, arguably, the hardest exam I've taken in recent memory. That said, I don't regularly take exams (I'm usually administering them to my 8th graders!), but I think this was certainly challenging. Is it because my brain is a bit older than it was the last time I had to take an exam? Is it because the test was such different subject matter than what I do on a daily basis? Who cares! It was hard, and I know for sure that I didn't get a 100. And I'm not done. I still have my final Test Class to give this Wednesday. I have been practicing this class with friends in my living room, colleagues at work, and reciting it to my kids at breakfast. It's just 30 minutes, and on Wednesday night, I'll be teaching it to 6 students in an effort to *finally* finish the requirements for my Yoga Teacher Certification! I'm a nervous wreck.
Why am I so nervous? This is something I've been preparing to do for the last 8 1/2 months. That's almost as long as a pregnancy, and I've done that twice! I wasn't one bit nervous about giving birth. I knew it was something I wanted very badly, and I knew it was something I was born to do. I also knew that it was something where it was expected I would make mistakes, need to be forgiven, and sometimes need to "do over" (eg, that first diaper change...). If becoming a mother didn't freak me out so much, then why is becoming a yoga teacher freaking me out so much?
I love doing yoga, I love learning about it, I love what it has made me, and when I think about sharing that with yoga students of my own, I feel so hopeful and excited! I somehow still have cold feet about starting this. And yes, I do mean "starting", for the teacher training is drawing to a close, but another door is opening. I'm a bit intimidated by what I might find past that open door, and I'm approaching it with trepidation.
I have been through a lot in this training, I've learned things I never could have imagined learning, my perspective has changed on a lot of things, and I've met some really incredible women - friends I never would have made otherwise. We are almost like a sorority, forever bound by this common experience. I am not "besties" with everyone, but I still share a bond with them that I will value and treasure for a long time. We've become comfortable, safe, and secure in our Wednesday night environment, and now that's all about to change. We have to get out there and put our theory into practice; we have to get out there and do it.
I have many friends who have helped me along the way, with a kind word of encouragement, with a vote of confidence, with some time on the mat, or a glass of wine, and I am so eternally grateful for that friendship. In addition to that, I am eternally grateful for and feel blessed by the friendship and fellowship of my cohort sisters, as well. I truly couldn't have accomplished this without them. Each week they were faithfully there, learning alongside me, and not knowing me prior to this training, still offering encouragement, support, and yes, even a vegan cookie or a glass of wine! So, as one door closes, another opens as we take the next step forward on our journey. I hope our journeys' paths stay nearby so we can visit once in a while. Thank you, Wendy, Debbie, Lisa, Charlotte, Danielle, Michelyn, Connie, Jana, Nan, Nancy, Elena, Susie, Sue, Jillian, Dawn, Terri, Jennifer, Hannah and Allie! I would be honored to take your class anytime. Namaste.
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