And back to our regularly scheduled program...

For many of us in the Northeast, today we are coming off of a week-long school vacation, typically known as "Mud Week".  Lots of folks leave town in search of warmer climes.  Lots of other folks leave town in search of fresh powder for downhill skiing.  And still lots of people (like me!) stick around in search of the chance to recuperate from the busy-ness of a daily routine. (but then end up catching up with all of your friends and late bedtimes ensue, resulting in even less recuperation and more need for it!)

It was a good break.  We did a little Skiing, a little skating, a little hair-cutting, a fair amount of staying up past bedtime, and a LOT of yoga.  When I look at my class log, it's starting to seem as though I might finish all of the required classes some day;  I'm making progress...

However, with just 2 1/2 months left in my training program, there are some mixed feelings coming to the surface.  There's the feeling of accomplishment, that this journey is coming to a crossroads.  I don't want to say "ending", because if there's one thing I can take away from this entire process, it's that the journey is never complete.  We are just approaching a new path on the journey, and it's up to me to make a decision on how to continue.  One thing is certain, and that's that I've grown and experienced so much more than I ever could have imagined when I began the teacher training.

There is also a feeling of sadness that this part of the journey is ending, though.  My weekly routine of going to "Yoga School" is going to change.  One of these days I'm going to be finished with all of my reading and writing "assignments".  I'll be able to go back to reading for pleasure.  That's not to say that I don't enjoy what I'm reading...but it's just not as pleasurable when you have to get through so many pages by a certain date.  Then there's the writing - I haven't written a book report in years, and I'm faced with the prospect of writing not one, but THREE of them in the next two and half months (and this means I have to read the books that go with them.  These are not your Grisham quick-reads, either.  They're heavy-duty yoga philosophy texts).  I'll be relieved when they are done, but I think I might actually miss the presence of an assignment to do.

Finally, there's the feeling of fear - fearing the unknown, and what's "next".  How do I market myself as a yoga instructor?  Do I even want to take that step?  If I get a job, how is this new pattern going to affect my "free time"?  Will people even like taking class from me?  There's a lot of unknown out there...

I suppose it's time to apply what I've learned from all this reading, and that's to remember to be here now.  Be present.  What's finished is past and what will be is not a certainty.  The only thing is to take each moment as it comes (remembering to fully appreciate each moment as a gift!), and b-r-e-a-t-h-e.
...and now back to our regularly scheduled Monday...

What is all this Universe, this life, birth, death?  What is the purpose of all this?  What is at the bottom of all this?  What is the goal of all these activities?  Remain in these questions for as long as you can, remain longer and longer, you will know the Truth...which state is the natural desire of everybody in unclouded moments. - Shivapuri Baba

It is what it is.

This week, as I contemplate
the Niyama "Isvara Pranidhana",
the phrase "It is what it is" takes on a new meaning for me.

Last week, I was contemplating Patanjali's Sutra 2.44, which is about Svadhyaya (pronounced Svad-i-a-ya), or studying so you can commune with your "chosen deity".  Boy, do I know a thing or two about studying...I've been studying Anatomy and Physiology (98 on that test, thankyouverymuch), I've been studying History and Philosophy (95 on that test, thanksagain), and I've been studying my posture and alignment whenever I'm on the mat.  One thing I have to say about embarking on this path to become a yoga teacher is that after 8 years of regular yoga practice, I feel like I don't know anything about yoga.
I mean, I can recite the 8 Limbs of Patanjali's path to Ashtanga Yoga; I can tell you the names of postures in Sanskrit; I can tell you who teaches the weekend level 1 class at my teacher training studio.  But communing with God?  I'm not quite there yet.  It appears that I just need to study some more, and if I stick with it, eventually, the "form will appear - as a human form, a light, or a sound."  Intriguing.

This week, I'm working on Isvara Pranidhana, or "total surrender to God".  I wasn't quite sure how to approach the study of this, so I sought out other translations of the sutra, because, afterall, I mess up subtleties in Facebook posts written in the English language - who's to say there aren't subtleties in Patanjali's Sanskrit?

What I found was that Isvara Pranidhana is about acknowledging that there is a larger reality that we cannot control or know.  "Surrendering" to this idea doesn't necessarily mean "giving up"/ "waving the white flag".  It means opening up - allowing yourself to witness the grace and beauty of a moment without needing to know what it's all about, without needing to control the process, without feeling attached to the outcome.  It's about the ultimate:  Living in the present, witnessing and acknowledging God's grace because "it is what it is".

A few weeks ago, I was talking on the phone with my mom, and she was really unhappy with the way things had turned out in a situation at work.  She kept repeating over and over, almost like a mantra, "It is what it is."  Her tone was one of great disappointment, defeat, almost.  Perhaps a little letting go of the ego, perhaps moving the energy up a few notches away from the Manipura (power Chakra) and into the Anahata (heart Chakra), would have opened the possibility that there is some mystery to the way things work and why things happen a certain way.  We don't have to give up, but we can observe, experience, and move on with fluidity, grace, and tranquility.

So, it may be "what it is", and it doesn't have to be disappointing.  It reminds us to "Be Here Now", experiencing the world and processing all it has to offer.  Offering up or "surrendering" these moments can open the possibility of Samadhi.   I think it takes a special kind of humility and courage to do it, and I have a lot more studying to do before I get there.

"Niyama consists of purity (saucha), contentment (samtosha), acceptance (tapas), study of spiritual books (svahdyaya) and self-surrender (isvarapranidhana)" - Patanjali's Yoga Sutra 2.32

How Austere can I be?

Hey, look, it's Jennifer Aniston
practicing Tapas!

This week's Niyama, or "observance", is Tapas.  Tapas means observing Austerity and Discipline.  Just how austere can I be? Well, it turns out, not very austere at all, but I gave it a try anyway...

It seems that there are some pretty badass ways to observe “Austerity”.  Some people go barefoot for a period of time (not so easy to do in wintertime!).  Some people refrain from talking for a period of time (not so easy to do when you’re a teacher!).  Some people decide to eat simple, easily-digested food (which also happens to be pretty bland).  In fact, a great number of austerity tactics centered around food and diet, so I chose to utilize a little more discipline with my eating habits this week (ha ha ha!  "disciplined" eating during a week where I had dinner and drinks out with friends, and a huge Chinese New Year's eve dinner party planned)

I am a huge multi-tasker, and one of the things that I’ve become accustomed to is reading while eating.  In the morning, I read the paper during breakfast. At lunch, I’m usually reading students’ papers or our mail.  At dinner, I read other things like magazines, catalogs, even books.  My mind isn’t concentrating on the quantity or quality of the food I’m eating (no wonder I'm having trouble losing weight).  Eating almost becomes mindless, because my mind is focused on something else.  Not only that, it's incredibly RUDE.  I’m not enjoying my dinner company or joining in with friendly dinner-table conversation.  Am I a dysfunctional eater?  I need more discipline, and decided that this would be an appropriate step in the right direction.

This act of treating meal-time with more discipline has not been easy; at every meal I had to consciously remove reading material from the table before I sat down to eat.  Sometimes, I caught myself reaching for  some reading material when I was having a snack.  It turns out, this is a terrible, deeply-ingrained habit I'm dealing with.  When I sit down to eat, I start reading without even realizing what I'm doing.  I need to snap out of it, and with discipline.  As the week draws to a close, this is one of those austerities that I need to continue to attend to.  Once I get used to this simple austerity, perhaps I can work on more serious ones.  

"The ultimate practice of Tapas:  Love yourself and your life exactly as it IS.  Change nothing, but live with more presence and consistency." - Gaia Flow Yoga